Thursday, June 27, 2013

All About Engagement Parties

Engagement Parties: Planning 101

You don't need an excuse for a celebratory bash -- you're engaged! Party on with our engagement-party primer.

Photo: Philippe Cheng Photography

The purpose of an engagement gala -- usually scheduled no later than three months after the big announcement -- can be threefold: to share the new of the couples' imminent union with future wedding guests, to introduce the families to each other, and to celebrate the impending, well, celebration. Tradition has it that the bride's parents host the initial gathering, but the groom's parents can then throw their own party, or both sets can come together to host the fete. As you decide, here are five things the hosts should keep in mind:

1. Give the Couple Time to Breathe

An impromptu family gathering the weekend after he proposed is the perfect opportunity to break out the vintage champagne, but don't schedule an all-out opulent affair during the engagement's first month. The couple needs some time to revel in just being engaged. Plan to host an engagement party two to four months after he popped the question. That gives the couple a chance to envision their eventual wedding-a crucial element to consider when deciding on the type of event you will throw.

2. Find Out the Size of the Wedding

Everyone who is invited to the engagement party should ultimately be invited to the wedding. Otherwise, guests might wonder what they did at the engagement party to insult you! That said, if the couple decides to host their own wedding and keep the list small and you want to throw an extravagant engagement party, go for it. Just be sure to let people know that the wedding will be small so no feelings will be hurt when guests aren't invited to the wedding. If you are worried that your friends will think you want to have a big bash solely to garner gifts, include a nice note in the invitation that requests no presents.

3. Consider what will make the in-laws most comfortable

Since the engagement party custom was actually designed to help you start building bridges between the families, consider their style. If they are a very formal family, an impromptu picnic in the park might not be the most appropriate setting for getting to know one another. Likewise, a five-course sit-down dinner attended by all your friends might be a bit intimidating for them. Settle nerves by including as many people from their side as you can reasonably accommodate.

4. Suggest That the Couple Register Beforehand

While traditionally guests have not brought presents to this function, increasing numbers do today, and it's only fair to provide guidance. Remind the couple to register for gifts in the low to middle range-a five-hundred-dollar cappuccino maker is not your typical engagement present. If some guests arrive bearing gifts, just be sure the couple unwraps them after the party or away from the crowd so people who came empty-handed won't feel uncomfortable.

5. Remind Yourself That There is Still a Wedding to Throw

Every host wants to plan an unforgettable affair, but you never want to upstage the main event. Try to create a different mood for the engagement party while maintaining your own style. You won't want to force a casual cookout if you (and your guests) favor formal parties, and vice versa. But if your guests are up to it, set apart a black-tie affair with a sit-on-the-floor, buffet-style engagment bash; preview a semiformal daytime wedding with a swanky cocktail party, ties optional; or balance a destination wedding with a home-cooked dinner party.

-- Kathleen Murray

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Best Man Duties

Best Man: Best Man Duties in Detail

You've been there for him through thick and thin (like that time in college -- yeah, that time). This wedding won't be any different. Here's what to know when you're a best man.

Photo: David Bates Photographic

As best man, you may think you're just a glorified groomsman, but guess what? You actually have special responsibilities -- you'll be a combination valet and hand-holder as you help the groom come through this nerve-racking experience with flying colors. As leader of the groom's posse, you'll:

Serve as the groom's personal aide and adviser before and during the wedding. This can include helping him pack for the honeymoon (the valet part).
Help the groom choose and rent (or buy) wedding formalwear, and coordinate the other groomsmen's rentals. You guys are supposed to match, after all! You may be expected to arrange accommodations for out-of-town groomsmen.
Organize the bachelor party. Don't be shy about enlisting other groomsmen to help you out -- most guys don't mind this duty! Put financial worries out of your mind -- the cost should be split among everyone who attends the bash.
Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner with the bride and groom and all the other attendants. This is your chance to figure out how you're supposed to walk down that aisle.
Stand beside the groom at the altar and keep the bride's ring until vows are exchanged. Find a safe place for the ring (and triple check that your pockets don't have holes) -- you don't want to fumble around when it's time to whip it out.
Corral the other guys and make sure they're performing their groomsman duties.
Sign the marriage license as a witness after the ceremony, along with the maid of honor.
Give the officiant a sealed envelope with his or her fee (the groom's responsibility) just after the ceremony.
You may be announced with the maid of honor when the reception begins.
Dance with both the honor attendant and the bride during the wedding party dances.
Give the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception. This is your biggest -- and probably most frightening -- duty. Read our article about how to give a toast, and remember the cardinal rule: Mum's the word on the bachelor bacchanalia.
Collect any gift envelopes guests bring to the reception. You may be asked to deposit them in the couple's bank account or at least to keep them until the couple returns from their honeymoon.
Decorate the getaway mobile. Grab the other groomsmen and the bridesmaids for this one.
Drive the couple to the wedding-night hotel or airport after the reception. If you perform this service, you'll need to stay sober throughout the reception. If you have a feeling this may not be possible, hire a limo to drive the couple into the sunset. The wedding will be over in the blink of an eye, so remember to enjoy yourself at the reception. After all, you're there to celebrate the happiest day of your best friend's life.

-- The Knot

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Etiquette for Save The Dates

Save-the-Dates: Etiquette Q&A

Want to announce your upcoming wedding? Here's how to do your wedding save-the-dates right.

Photo: Anastassios Mentis

The ring is on your finger and the planning is underway -- time to get your guests in the loop. Your first step: Send a wedding save-the-date card. This pre-invitation mailing officially announces your wedding date and lets guests know that they will, in fact, be invited to the celebration. Here are the answers to your most-asked etiquette questions.

Where to Start

Q. Do we have to send a save-the-date?
As destination weddings and three-day weekends have become more standard, so have save-the-dates. And if you're marrying during high-travel times like a holiday weekend or summer in a beach town, a save-the-date is an expected courtesy. Of course, you don't have to send one if you don't want, but it will give guests the heads up about your wedding plans. Between travel arrangements and busy schedules, sending a save-the-date will increase guests' chances of attending your celebration. And that's the goal, right?

If someone receives a save-the-date and will be unable to attend, they are likely to offer regrets far in advance. You still need to send a wedding invitation as a common courtesy.

Q. When do you send them?
As a general rule, it's best to start spreading the news at around six months prior to the ceremony (eight months for a faraway destination). This gives wedding guests plenty of time to book their travel, save a bit of cash, and ask for days off from work. Any earlier, and they may toss the notice aside. Any later, and it might as well be an invitation.
Q. Do we have to send save-the-dates to everyone?
Just to the people that you want to come to your wedding. Even if you've already received confirmations from certain guests, you still need to send them a save-the-date (bridesmaids, siblings, and parents). But remember: Only send to those that you definitely want to attend. Once these are in the mail, there's really no turning back.

Sticky Situations

Q. Do we need to add “and guest,” or can that wait for the invitations?
It's best to be clear about who's invited to the wedding, even this far in advance. Always call your best friend's boyfriend by his nickname? Now's the time to find out what's on his birth certificate. By including the actual names of every intended guest on the envelope, you're less likely to have any assumed invitees (like your third cousin's new boyfriend), or general confusion (is your seven-year-old niece invited?). Being up front about who's invited also gives families with uninvited kids ample time to plan for child care, and out-of-towners time to figure out hotel room shares.

Q. What if we send save-the-dates and then change the date or location?
This scenario is very unlikely, since no couple should send out formal wedding information before setting the plans in stone -- but stranger things have happened. In the event of an unexpected change of plans, your best bet is to update your wedding website, pick up the phone, and start spreading the word. You do have the option of sending out another mailing that explains the dilemma -- but a personal, verbal notice is the best way to avoid confusion. (If your wedding guest list is a bit overwhelming, enlist the help of your bridal party.)
-- Erin Walters

Tips for Toasts on Your Special Day

Wedding Tips: Who Toasts When and What Do They Say?

Wedding toasts...they can be beautiful memories or they can be complete nightmares. Usually, they're a nice moment in all of the celebration and chaos of the day, but most of the time they're a pretty stressful event, both for the speaker and for the bride and groom (who find their wedding at the mercy of the speaker's oratory skills). A good way to cut down on the stress of the situation is to figure out exactly who needs to give a wedding toast, when they need to give it, and what they ought to say. Here is a simple breakdown of good wedding toast planning:

(1) Rehearsal dinner toasts. This is a relaxed and informal atmosphere and the toasts should match. These toasts start with the person or persons hosting the event, which is usually the groom's father or both of the groom's parents. Next, it's customary for the best man to say a few words and then for the groom to take over, say something to the guests, and then say something to the bride. After that, the bride's parents can say a few words and the bride can share something with the guests and her groom. Then, any guests who wish to speak may do so.
Since the rehearsal dinner is usually a more intimate affair, these toasts can be more personal and can last longer than the wedding toasts would. It's also more appropriate for funny toasts to be given at the rehearsal dinner, where inside jokes are often appreciated, than at the wedding reception, where toasts that are meant to be funny can often come off as offensive, embarrassing, or confusing to guests who aren't in the loop.
The bride and groom may feel funny about giving a toast to each other, but it's a nice moment for the guests and it doesn't have to be a preview of your heartfelt vows. Just say something nice about your future spouse and include an expression of gratitude to both sets of parents and anyone who either helped out a lot in the wedding planning or who went to a lot of trouble to attend the wedding. Do not, however, take the opportunity to put in digs either to your future spouse or to any part of the wedding. Even if they're supposed to be lighthearted, it's not a good time for that sort of public criticism, since people are often stressed (and therefore oversensitive) around weddings.

(2) Wedding reception toasts. Wedding reception toasts should be formal and short. The best man begins by giving the first toast, which should simply extend good wishes towards the couple. The maid of honor usually follows with her own expression of good wishes and then it's up the fathers of the bride and groom if they want to give their own toasts. Although it's appropriate for the fathers (or either father) to give a toast at the wedding reception, it's not required and definitely should not be something that either father feels pressured to do. In fact, the wedding guests may be happier that the fathers elected not to toast the couple, since that means that there's less of a wait for either the food to be served or the dancing to begin.
At the end of the evening, many couples choose to give a toast to thank their guests or to recognize special people. It's also common for couples to use this time to give toasts to each other, but this is not required since the vows took place in front of the same guests only hours before. If this toast is timed right before the last song is played (which is traditionally a slow song), it will be a good time to let people know that the party is wrapping up. This gives your guests extra time to say their goodbyes and gather themselves before your event is officially over, which is a courteous gesture as hosts.

Picking Your Wedding Colors

Wedding Styles: Picking Your Wedding Colors

Wondering how to pick your wedding day colors and make them work? Here's a guide to creating a winning palette.

Photo: Alison Gootee

The hottest thing happening at wedding receptions isn't just on the dance floor -- it's on the wedding cake, the invitations, the centerpieces, and even the bride's gown. It's big, bold color. Years ago brides used color to accent their white wedding day decor, but now they're using color to cover every inch of the wedding. We've developed a step-by-step guide on color coordination (from choosing it to decorating with it) to help you dream up a bright wedding day.

Choosing Your Color

First things first: location. When deciding on a scheme, you must consider the reception space or choose a space without decor or color. If you've chosen a country club with navy and maroon Oriental carpets, a color scheme of lime green and hot pink won't work. Next, become aware of color combinations that you like, whether browsing art galleries or flipping through a stack of fashion magazines. You might be able to narrow down your color choices to a half a dozen. To help you choose the exact hue for your wedding details, visit a local fabric store or paint shop and collect swatches or chips of colors you might want to use. This will help you get specific, so that when you decide on green you'll know if it's lime green, kelly green, sage green, or forest green. If you have access to a Pantone book, use this collection of colors to select your shade the same way graphic designers do. Many invitation designers mix ink to match the colors in this book, and many cake bakers use Pantone numbers as a reference when creating dye for frosting. Can't decide on just one or two colors? Don't worry. In fact, many extraordinary weddings feature a variety of colors, sometimes up to five, that work together to create a specific sensibility -- like an "English garden" with green, yellow, pink, red, and brown, or "Fall in New England" with orange, red, brown, and gold.
The Knot Note: For specifics on choosing your winning color combo, read more on choosing your wedding colors.

Where & How to Execute Color

Where and how you use color really depends on the mood you are trying to create. The best way to get started is to figure out what emotions you want your celebration to evoke. A peaceful, Zen-like retreat? A regal, romantic affair? A jumping, high-energy party? For instance, a vibrant summer yellow mixed with chocolate brown (think sunflowers and bees) is perfect for a country-chic wedding style; add gold to the mix, and the combination becomes more reminiscent of Northern Italy. As another example, leaf green paired with cantaloupe is pretty for a waterside wedding; but pair this green with copper, and you have a color scheme that's formal enough for a ballroom or an estate setting. If your wedding takes place in multiple spaces, each room can have its own color scheme.

The Elements of Style

Attire Your gown doesn't have to be solid white, especially since color accents are increasingly more available. A blue or red sash around the waist is striking and still very bridal. The groom and his guys can also sport color in their ties or on their cuff links. But color will be most prominently displayed throughout the day in the bridesmaid dresses. Some fervent folks might want to match the dresses to the invitation ribbons, the favor tags, and the bouquets but this isn't the only way to define a style. Mixing and matching dresses in varying shades -- pink and orange, or pale green and yellow -- can sometimes make a statement stronger than uniformity. Invitations Your invitations set the stage for the event, so remember that mood you want to evoke? This is your time to show it off. Coordinating the invitation colors with those of the wedding can be as easy as choosing a color font, ribbon, or monogram or as elaborate as layering colorful cards.
Flowers & Decor No matter what color you've chosen, chances are you'll be able to find flowers in that shade -- but that, of course, does not mean the blooms will be available or affordable. If your dream flowers aren't an option, use neutral white flowers with centerpiece containers or other decor elements in your color.
Wedding Cake The cake is one of the easiest places to add color -- all it takes is the right mixing. The color should reflect the other style elements used throughout the wedding. But when it comes to cake, your color options are the most flexible. White icing makes a marvelous background for colorful sugar flowers, sugar-paste stripes or polka dots, or other effects. Fondant can also be created in any number of shades. For instance, a yellow and brown country-chic wedding might have a wedding cake iced in a light brown basket weave and topped with fresh sunflowers.
Favors Ultimately, it's more important to give something meaningful rather than something that matches, but it can be a nice touch to your favors package in your color scheme. Use gift tags and ribbons to incorporate your colors into your favors. If favors will be left at each place setting, consider how they will look with your wedding linens and flowers.

New Ways to Use Color

We should point out that overdoing it with a matchy-match look is entirely possible. (You don't want your guests thinking, Um, yeah, lavender...we get it.) Begin with the five essential wedding elements (attire, invitations, flowers, cake, and favors) and see where you can -- or should -- add more color. Then consider details, such as napkins, candles, signature drinks, your ring pillow, or your guest book, made from the same fabric and in the same color as the bridesmaid dresses