Wedding Tips: Who Toasts When and What Do They Say?
Wedding toasts...they can be beautiful memories or they can be complete nightmares. Usually, they're a nice moment in all of the celebration and chaos of the day, but most of the time they're a pretty stressful event, both for the speaker and for the bride and groom (who find their wedding at the mercy of the speaker's oratory skills). A good way to cut down on the stress of the situation is to figure out exactly who needs to give a wedding toast, when they need to give it, and what they ought to say. Here is a simple breakdown of good wedding toast planning:
(1) Rehearsal dinner toasts. This is a relaxed and informal atmosphere and the toasts should match. These toasts start with the person or persons hosting the event, which is usually the groom's father or both of the groom's parents. Next, it's customary for the best man to say a few words and then for the groom to take over, say something to the guests, and then say something to the bride. After that, the bride's parents can say a few words and the bride can share something with the guests and her groom. Then, any guests who wish to speak may do so.
Since the rehearsal dinner is usually a more intimate affair, these toasts can be more personal and can last longer than the wedding toasts would. It's also more appropriate for funny toasts to be given at the rehearsal dinner, where inside jokes are often appreciated, than at the wedding reception, where toasts that are meant to be funny can often come off as offensive, embarrassing, or confusing to guests who aren't in the loop.
The bride and groom may feel funny about giving a toast to each other, but it's a nice moment for the guests and it doesn't have to be a preview of your heartfelt vows. Just say something nice about your future spouse and include an expression of gratitude to both sets of parents and anyone who either helped out a lot in the wedding planning or who went to a lot of trouble to attend the wedding. Do not, however, take the opportunity to put in digs either to your future spouse or to any part of the wedding. Even if they're supposed to be lighthearted, it's not a good time for that sort of public criticism, since people are often stressed (and therefore oversensitive) around weddings.
(2) Wedding reception toasts. Wedding reception toasts should be formal and short. The best man begins by giving the first toast, which should simply extend good wishes towards the couple. The maid of honor usually follows with her own expression of good wishes and then it's up the fathers of the bride and groom if they want to give their own toasts. Although it's appropriate for the fathers (or either father) to give a toast at the wedding reception, it's not required and definitely should not be something that either father feels pressured to do. In fact, the wedding guests may be happier that the fathers elected not to toast the couple, since that means that there's less of a wait for either the food to be served or the dancing to begin.
At the end of the evening, many couples choose to give a toast to thank their guests or to recognize special people. It's also common for couples to use this time to give toasts to each other, but this is not required since the vows took place in front of the same guests only hours before. If this toast is timed right before the last song is played (which is traditionally a slow song), it will be a good time to let people know that the party is wrapping up. This gives your guests extra time to say their goodbyes and gather themselves before your event is officially over, which is a courteous gesture as hosts.
(1) Rehearsal dinner toasts. This is a relaxed and informal atmosphere and the toasts should match. These toasts start with the person or persons hosting the event, which is usually the groom's father or both of the groom's parents. Next, it's customary for the best man to say a few words and then for the groom to take over, say something to the guests, and then say something to the bride. After that, the bride's parents can say a few words and the bride can share something with the guests and her groom. Then, any guests who wish to speak may do so.
Since the rehearsal dinner is usually a more intimate affair, these toasts can be more personal and can last longer than the wedding toasts would. It's also more appropriate for funny toasts to be given at the rehearsal dinner, where inside jokes are often appreciated, than at the wedding reception, where toasts that are meant to be funny can often come off as offensive, embarrassing, or confusing to guests who aren't in the loop.
The bride and groom may feel funny about giving a toast to each other, but it's a nice moment for the guests and it doesn't have to be a preview of your heartfelt vows. Just say something nice about your future spouse and include an expression of gratitude to both sets of parents and anyone who either helped out a lot in the wedding planning or who went to a lot of trouble to attend the wedding. Do not, however, take the opportunity to put in digs either to your future spouse or to any part of the wedding. Even if they're supposed to be lighthearted, it's not a good time for that sort of public criticism, since people are often stressed (and therefore oversensitive) around weddings.
(2) Wedding reception toasts. Wedding reception toasts should be formal and short. The best man begins by giving the first toast, which should simply extend good wishes towards the couple. The maid of honor usually follows with her own expression of good wishes and then it's up the fathers of the bride and groom if they want to give their own toasts. Although it's appropriate for the fathers (or either father) to give a toast at the wedding reception, it's not required and definitely should not be something that either father feels pressured to do. In fact, the wedding guests may be happier that the fathers elected not to toast the couple, since that means that there's less of a wait for either the food to be served or the dancing to begin.
At the end of the evening, many couples choose to give a toast to thank their guests or to recognize special people. It's also common for couples to use this time to give toasts to each other, but this is not required since the vows took place in front of the same guests only hours before. If this toast is timed right before the last song is played (which is traditionally a slow song), it will be a good time to let people know that the party is wrapping up. This gives your guests extra time to say their goodbyes and gather themselves before your event is officially over, which is a courteous gesture as hosts.
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